you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
