Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
