You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
