You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
