i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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