i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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