I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My balls are so social today.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
third nipple confirmed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
