**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
