You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
