Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
