Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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