apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
These tits shall not be calmed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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