The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
