found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The adults are the big ones right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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