The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
