Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
