I wanna bring you to show and tell
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
