dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How's work?
Spinning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
