found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
