I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
