I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
