so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
