What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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