Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
