no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
