What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
zippers are such a cool invention
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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