Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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