i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
