3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
