you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
