he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
