I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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