i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
