As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the liver wants what the liver wants
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
