there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
