Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
