I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize