So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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