peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
