Too much gin, very little bucket
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
