i jhust puked up my retainher.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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