He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize