found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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