ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The air was thick with penises
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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