I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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