she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
