Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
