whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
