Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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