So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
