dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
