how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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