Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
