life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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