I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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