Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
