She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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