She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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