I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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