yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
