Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
