No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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