woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
