fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
