Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
