Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
