It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
