he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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