You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
