No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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