Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
